its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
