You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
