Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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