Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
