That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
