i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
