i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
