i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
