I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
