And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
