maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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