Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
