And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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