You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
