There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
