I accidentally burped into my bong.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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