found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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