"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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