i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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