so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
