my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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