dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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