Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
