i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
