you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I love having hate sex.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
