I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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