things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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