Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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