STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
