I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
