She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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