DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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