I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Terrible idea I love it
FUCK WHALES
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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