my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
