God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
