love makes seman taste better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
