ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
