i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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