But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
