I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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