I can tuck mytits in my pants
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
