I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
