im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
