I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
