hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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