The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
