we have pet lesbian snakes
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize