She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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