remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
