It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
