Yo dont text me then not text me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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