Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
