I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
